bmc5989

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 16:17:59 GMT

Well what can i say...i have to try and figure out this old journal shit...coz i am ususally in the new system...its a royal pain in my ass.

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 14:47:06 GMT

Hey guys,

I am soooo dead. Last night i went to youth group and it was really fun!!! And ALICIA came and i introduced her to all my friends, which was funny because before hand, she thought that they would hate her. But to her surprise they were really welcoming and glad i brought her. That was no surprise to me, because they are just soooo amazingly nice. Well after that we all went out to Denny's and had a great time, Joe drank like half of my chocolate shake(even tho i sed he could) and we all had a really great time. RRrrRrrrR!!!!! yes i know i am the queen of whining and rrrrrrrr's and grrrr's. But hey thats why im here. And after that, Karisa brought me home and i asked my mom if i could sleep over her house and so then i ended up doing that, and we just hung out and at like 2 in the morning we decide to go downstairs and watch The Passion(which by the way she hasnt been able to bring herself to watch it since the first time she did). But that was the best movie i have ever watched in my life. I cant even put into words how i felt when i was watching that, i mean all those people were just so brutal, and i have never cried so hard to a movie before. It was the worst feeling because it made me realize how horrible i am and how everyone is. But after that we ended up going to sleep and we had to wake up at 830 because i had to be home by 9 coz my mom had to go out somehwere. So here i am now and i am so tired and i have a mix of emotions because im still upset over what i have been upset for alllll year, and i also feel so happy that i had such a good time last night, and i feel horrible because of that movie, and the movie also made me feel partly good too. So yea, Whats cool is that i have- crap just forgot what i was going to type-. I have the worst short term memory. But i wanted to make a list of the good and bad things in my life and just think about everything.

Bad things:

I lie

I can never carry out anything i say i will do

There is a lack of communication in my family

I dont have more than two friends that i can fully trust

my parents think i am the biggest screw up

my real dad didnt want me

i cant to physical activities coz of my heart problem

my grandpa died

i have no faith in myself

Good things:

I have a roof over my head

i have a bed to sleep in

i get loads of presents all the time

i dont get abused/raped

i am compassionate

i have many people in my life who care about me

i have the freedom to have my own thoughts/beliefs

i will be a better person because of the mistakes that i have made

im not on welfare

i have the ability to analyze myself from another perspective

i can admit when i am wrong

- and there are more but i am tired and my brain is dead so yea

So thats a total of 8 bad things and 11 good things. And out of my 8 bad things probably 2 of them will matter to me when i am 20 years down the road, or even 5 years. So that makes me feel alot more content and thankful for what i have. Too bad everyone couldnt realize that. Iv got it good. Im sick of writing so....I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! ttyl

~~Bre~~

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 21:45:44 GMT

Ok so now its official, guys suck. It is so terribly annoying that when one goes out with aboy, they ususally end up getting overly attached, and therefore, in the long run, end up feeling like shit. And why does this happen? Because the human race is so retarded and girls will always love their first love but guys are more likely to forget the feeling of that first one. It sucks doesnt it. Yep!!!! There are times when i just want to dissapear from the world, because most of the time there is nothing to live for.....ugh what am i saying, i am such a selfish bitch. People out there have it so much worse than me, and here i am sitting here complaining about guys. I sound so gay. AHHHHH i love you Jen Valentino! You are the sexiest bitch in the world and i want to squeeze you. Lol. And Dan, i dont have your lj name but i love you anyway, ....and i know you can agree withme when i say love sucks, You are one of the sweetest kids ever and i promise ill never backstab you....and i dont make promises i might not be able to keep. And Alicia Dias, you are one hot babe!!! I mean what other person could be the boggest bitch to me but yet be my closest friend, just not possible. So i give you credit dear, and im so glad that we are friends again. And Jonah Alley...what can i say? You are an amazing person...and if it werent for your wonderfull little tresspassing warrant... id fuck you!!!!! Lol j/k...unless you wanna!! No but honestly, im really glad that we are good friends... coz id feel like shit still if we werent. So for now i have to go....until next time...au revoir.

~~Breanna~~

Grrrr

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 22:00:11 GMT

OI!!!!!! grrr. Im so mad. last night i went to youth group, which SOMEONE was supposed to go to with me (cough cough) lol. It was really great and we talked alot about friendship. That was the main topic. Basically talking about how its important to have good communication, and how to confront people in a good way. We talked about fogiveness, and truthfullness. Actually i thought it was really ironic, seen as how ive been haveing friendship issues of my own these past few weeks. Luckily, they are resolved for the most part. But anyways, i had originally had told my dad that it would get over at 8 but it got over at nine. And then i had wanted to go to my friend Tamaras house to talk further about life and everything like that, and i ended up getting home at like 10:30. So of course my dad jumped to conclusions thinking that i was with some boy, or partying or something. Which made me really mad because everytime i attempt to change, he always doubts me, then im just like well then fuck it. So i come home and he flips out at me, and was like i cant beleive you did that, i hope what you did was worth it , i hope HE was worth it. Can you beleive that, he thought that i was with some guy. Jeez. So then im all like, yea i think that it is worth it to talk about God. Then he was like well you can kiss the whole youth group thing goodby. I was fuming. So i went to bed, and was balling my eyes out because i felt so frustrated, im actually trying to make an attempt to be a better person and then he just kind of threw it all away. So i was like oh i want to go cut myself , then i was like, oh maybe hell feel bad if i hang myself, and then i was like ill just tell him i hate him and then go move in with one of the people who go to my youth group. Then finally i came up with the conclusion of writing him a letter. It pretty much said, Look i know that it was wrong to be out till 1030 but its not like i was out with some guy drinking or having sex. I had really wanted this year to be a good year but you keep doubting me and that discourages me alot. It has been a tough year this year, and i was just starting to straiten out. I would really like your support, becaus ei know where i want to be in 5 years, and i dont want anything less. But i cant do it without yuor support. Im really sorry about everything i put you and mom through last year, i feel really ashamed and despite what you think, i do care. I realize that you work alot and i am proud that your my dad, and im glad too. And despite how much you make me mad, i love you.

So hopefully that did something, coz there is definitly a lack of communication with him. And i jsut needed to get my feelings out. When ever i try to explain something he just puts up a block and doesnt listen. Its so frustrating. He does it to my mom too. I mnean hes not a bad person, i just wish he had more faith in me. But yea. So i guess tis good that i didnt do anything stupid, and i know he read it this morning, but he came home and didnt say anything to me at all. He wasnt mean but he just didnt say anything to me. So yea. Oh well i guess thats it for now.

TTYL

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 15:54:03 GMT

So yea, ive been really really messed up these passed few weeks. Havent wrote in here for a while either. So let me fill you in. For the past few weeks i have been taking aderoll, and vicodin, and drinking. I dont know why. I guess its just lame excuse for escaping reality. But ive realized that by doing that, i have actually pushed away some of the people who mean the most to me. Which was really low. But im gonna stop. Ive started going to youth group again, and i am fully awayre of my mistakes and i want to make them up to people. Lucky for me, i figured all this out before my rents found out. I mean, that would be bad, you know. But hey, its going to get better. I love you guys all so much.

im soooo tired

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 20:38:04 GMT

so yea,
these past few days have been pretty weird. First of all i get a note form someone tellingme that they want to beat me up. Thats so compforting. Apparently they have wanted to beat me up for a while ...but im sure they would have done it already. Oh well. Today i forgot to bring in my progress report so i got a detention but i didnt go. I also lost my back pack. But i ended up finding it. Other than that my day was pretty boring. Oh well.

wtf

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 19:14:03 GMT

WTf. My mom is sooo gay. I go to make her tea and most of the water evaporates so i put the hot water from the sink into the cup....well obviously it didnt come out to well so she fliiped out. Like wtf its a fucking cup of tea. All she had to do was say this cup sucks...make me some more. But nooooo she had to make a huge issue about it. So i told her that adn then she screams at me to stop with the "attitude" . And then she was still yelling and then she was like go fuck yourself. Wtf my parents really suck sometimes. They get in these really bad moods and they take it out on everyone else. Like the other night my dad had a meeting to vote his cheif out. But it didnt work out.. it went terrible. So now im going to hear it for the rest of my life. My mom and dad ... i swear they hate eachother of suttin. The really piss me off. Wut the hell i cant stand living with them any more. This blows.

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 19:45:55 GMT

And these are my two...bratty bothers Will and Rob. They bug the shit outta me but i love them any ways. Their soo cute. Rob is 7 and Will is five. Rob is in 2nd grade...lol. it takes him a half an hour to write 10 sentences.

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 19:35:02 GMT

This is my five year old borhter Will, and my dog Pepper

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 19:30:39 GMT

lol i took this picture today and the other one is like a month old

Ummmmmm....

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 18:58:17 GMT

Hey guys..... i am wicked bored. Today i took the psats. They were kinda hard... especially the english... it was frustrating. But it all turned out good because we had a fire drill the last period. Yea...all in all today was really kinda boring. My history teacher like spazzed out on the class. I was so tired...it was unbeleivable. But lickily, i dont have any homework tonight so i can just relax and possibly hang out with jordan.!!!!!! "If YOU see jordan if you see jordan...he makes me sick... he makes me sick."

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 01:03:03 GMT

hahahaha.....im so hyper....this is sooo gay. I LOVE you all. oi. I have to go to bed. Hehe. Gnight

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 23:09:42 GMT

1. Can you walk around your house @ night with the lights off and not run into anything? No
2. Ever put off emailing for over a month? Yea i hate e-mail
3. Ever received a why don't you write me? no
4. Ever taken your frustration/bad mood out on others? all the time...sorry guys
5. Ever had a huge argument and then realized that you were wrong? Thats what usually happens
6. Ever left things the way they were just because it would be harder to resolve it? yea...its not the best way though
7. Ever thought someone was hopeless? yea, i still do
8. Ever been so dazed that you take a drink of water but completely miss your mouth? No
9. Ever dropped your toothbrush in the toilet? no
10. Have you ever dropped something in the toilet that you HAD to retrieve? yea
11. Ever driven off from the gas station without closing the gas thing? i dont drive
12. Can you sleep better @ night or during the day? The night
13. Do you print out pictures of celebrities/musicians off of the Internet?no
14. Have you ever entered an art contest? yes
15. Do you remember the Lisa Frank phase? yea... i used to bug the crap outa my mom to buy me that shit.
16. Is your favourite colour evident by the clothes you wear? No but it is to my hair.
17. Coats and sweaters or tank tops and bathing suits? tank tops and bating suits
18. Do you think everyone should have a significant other during the winter months? thats not for me to decide...but i definatly want one now.
19. Is there a movie that you can really relate to? Hmmmm not really
20. Ever found lyrics to a song that almost exactly describes you? Nope
21. Ever go to a 'place of business' so often that costumers think you work there? no.
22. Would you go to a strip club to watch members of the opposite sex?Uh... yea
23. What do you think of guys who dress in drag? nothing i dont judge people by clothes
24. Do you think movies overemphasize the differences in society? (Sexual preferences, racial, cultural, religious identities)? it depends
25. Do you look @ people in the car next to you at the stoplight? no it would be awkward
26. Ever said a word so many times in a row that it didn?t even sound like a word anymore? most likely
27. Was there a book series you read growing up? The American girl series... i even bought a doll
28. Do you write letters on notebook paper, stationary, computer paper, other, or all?All of them
29. Ever written a letter to someone and weren't able to give it to them because it was so personal and detailed? Yea...i should have given it to them any way.
30. Where do your wet towels end up after your shower/bath? under my bed...like everything else in the world.
31. Ever guessed what time it was and been off by Hours?no im usually pretty close.
32. Do you have a subscription to anything? no.
33. Do you get more friend mail, business mail, or junk mail? I hardly ever get mail
34. Ever slept nude? yes.
35. Ever walked around your house nude? no are you on crack?
36. Anyone ever accidentally see you naked? yea my little brothers.
37. Do you dental floss daily? Weekly? yea.
38. Do you use mouthwash or think that brushing is enough? i use mouth wash.
39. Ever been in the middle of a sexual act and actually Felt The Heat between the two of you? yea.
40. Are you able to act? no,
41. Can you give public speeches without freaking out? no thats my biggest fear.
42. Ever had to think extremely hard to remember what happened the day before? yea its hard for me to remember what happened 5 mins ago.
43. Which is better: music of today, music of yesterday? both.
44. Do you drive through town, or around it? id drive away
45. Ever find humor in a part of a movie that no one else does? yea.. i laugh at everything
46. What do you spend most of your money on? music
47. What do you waste most of your money on? music
48. Can you like the lyrics without liking the song? yes.
49. Can you like the song without understanding the lyrics? yes.
50. Are accents a turn on? omg yea
51. Do you dream more good than bad?mot of the time bad...i hate it
52. Can you interpret your own dreams or do you have to have someone else tell you what they think? i can interpret them on my own
53. Radio or cds? cd's.
54. Movies or TV series? movies.
55. Ever regret saying something hurtful? Yea all the time.
56. Ever regret expressing your love? No
57. Do you think some things should be left unsaid? No. People need to be honest.
58. Do you stand up for yourself? Yes.
59. Do you stand up for others? Of course who do you think i am?
60. Do you know the difference between standing up for others and fighting someone else's battles? Not really...im bad at things like that.

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 20:22:10 GMT

This is Chloe... the cutest kitten in the world

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 19:18:43 GMT

Hey guys. im really really...bored. hmmm.. i guess i had a pretty good day. I mean school is king of boring anyway...but it wasnt a bad day. Nothing special really happened... and right now im here...writing. Im sooo tired....i want to sleep. Maybe i will. Im in a really good mossd today... i dont know why. I dont understand why these two idiots at school were setting up and tent at lunch. They looked wicked gay. They sat in it and ate lunch and played majiic cards...how retarded. Oh well ttyl.

Oh well

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 00:12:36 GMT

Hmmm. I am really tired...I have decided to let things go... there are certain things that i cant do anything about... so why should i burden myself? I just need to sit, and think about things...and maybe i wont have to ruin peoples lives anymore. According to them i want to ruin their happiness. I would never want to do that...but maybe thats really what im doing. Im not saying that im giving in, but i definately dont think i need to be upset over something i knew would turn out wrong. Maybe im just not the nicest person, maybe i am selfish, but im not a bad person. And if you dont agree with me,... well then theres nothing i can do. I cant make people think my way. But i can voice my opinion...thats not a crime so dont kill me for it.

wtf

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 20:50:30 GMT

I love how people like to pretend their your friends...and then when you need them most they fuck you over..... they just forget about you...! I dont need their shit any more. I'm really sick of it. Don't tell me im ur best friend when you dont mean it. And dont tell me that you mean it because you dont. Im tired of people being fake ... so if thats all your doing... dont even bother and tell me so. I dont want to waste your "time".